Which parenting style is the best
Which parenting style is the best? Everyone seems to have a different opinion on this question, but we all want the same outcome. We all want are children to be happy, healthy, and to be good humans. While I can’t tell you what is best, I can help guide you to resources and give you a general break down of parenting styles. This way you can discover which parenting style is the best for you.
Table of contents
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Types of Parenting
1. Authoritarian
The authoritarian parenting style can be defined as the disciplinarian style. This focuses heavily on obedience and punishment over discipline. This is the style in which parents are primarily focused on on obedience over emotions. Punishments are typically justified as a way to “toughen up” the child.
The potentially effects of using this parenting style are the following:
- Less responsive to requests
- Low Self esteem
- Less independence
- Low morale
- Socially inept
- Difficulty making decisions
- High risk for substance abuse
- Well behaved
Examples of what authoritarian parenting sounds like:
- Come in and eat because I said so.
- Stop jumping on the couch or else. I said to stop so you will stop.
- You will not play with your toy in that way. That is not how you’re supposed to play.
2. Authoritative
The authoritative form of parenting is better known as gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is often confused permissive parenting. We’ll get to that one next. Authoritative or gentle parenting is different from permissive parenting in that it is primarily defined as parenting with boundaries and rules, while having regards for the child’s emotions. Rules and structure is differentiates it from permissive parenting. It is important to note that this style of parenting is the one in psychologists and family therapists recommend most.
The potential effects of this parenting style are the following:
- Strong emotional connection to parents
- High achieving
- Develop higher self esteem
- More independence
- Less risk for substance abuse
- Higher academic performance
Examples of what authoritative parenting sounds like:
- It is time to eat and I see you want to continue playing. I will give you 5 more minutes to play then you need to come inside and eat.
- I don’t want you to jump on the couch because you could fall and hurt yourself. I know you don’t enjoy hurting, but do enjoy jumping. Please stop jumping on the couch and we’ll find some place safer for you to jump.
- How did it make you feel when I took your toy away? Why did I take the toy away? How can you do better next time, so you can continue to play with your toy?
3. Permissive
Permissive parenting is often confused with gentle parenting, as is also has a high regard for the child’s emotions. However the difference is that there almost no boundaries or rules and if they exist, the are loosely enforced in this parenting style. This style is very passive and tends to have poor outcomes for the child.
The potential effects of this parenting style are the following:
- Low self control
- High feeling of entitlement
- Poor academic performances
- Difficulty in social situations
Examples of what permissive parenting sounds like:
- You don’t want to come in and eat? Okay you can keep playing.
- I don’t really like you jumping on the couch, but it looks like you’re having fun and don’t want to stop, so I won’t make you stop.
- I took the toy away because you threw it. You want it back? I’m sorry I took it. You can have it back.
4. Uninvolved
Just as the name implies, the parent is very uninvolved in this style of parenting. It is also referred to as neglectful parenting. Children are able to do whatever they please and the parent is unaware of the child’s feelings and needs. This is more often accompanied with parents that are enduring their own untreated mental illnesses or behavioral struggles.
The potential effects of this parenting style are the following:
- Low self esteem
- High risk of substance abuse
- Delinquency
- Higher risk of depression as adults
Examples of what uninvolved parenting sounds like:
- It’s been like 6 hours. I guess I should feed you.
- *Ignoring child’s participation in dangerous activities*
- Throw your toys around the basement. You’re blocking my view of the TV.
The examples are each made up, but the effects are based on years of scientific research. In general Authoritative style of parenting is what is recommended most to allow children to grow to be emotionally intelligent adults and teach them to understand rules and boundaries. Parenting is not an easy job. It is important to remember that parents only need to get it “right” about 50% of the time to have a positive impact on your child.
References for this information can be found at the bottom of this blog.
Recommended Reading
Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields
Raising Good Humans not only teaches you how to effectively parent your child, but also deep dives into your own personality. He understands that you might read all the books in the world on being a good parent, but when it comes to practicing the “right” choice in a stressful moment, it is quite difficult to do the recommended technique. The first half of the book teaches you how to handle your own stressors, so you can mindfully parent in stressful situations.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham
Dr. Laura Markham helps parents to regulate their own emotions and raise self-disciplined children. She has created step-by-step guides that help to determine the most effective consequences for toddlers through elementary aged children. Focusing on connecting with your children instead solely expecting them to cooperate because you said so. You’ll discover ways to avoid the tantrums and power struggles, without every having to yell.
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J Siegel
Neuroscientist, Daniel J Siegel, does a deep dive into how science can help create a calmer and happier child. He explores the regions of the brain in the child and which are activated in specific scenarios. He explains how you should respond to your child in certain moments so they might feel more calm and learn from the situation. Science is made easy, as he describes how a child’s brain isn’t developed enough to control emotions and make decisions. He helps parents to cope and react to develop that area of the brain to it’s highest capability, suggesting age appropriate strategies for various issues parents face.
Interested in chatting more about parenting books, contact me from the link below.
Parenting/Mom Groups in the St Charles County area
Hike it Baby
This group is great for the outdoorsy St Louis area parent. Outdoor events and get togethers are organized to get parent and children out exploring. The hikes can range from paved paths to back country trails, but each focuses on nurturing children’s love for nature.
Lake St Louis Mother’s Club
A club specific to those in the Lake St Louis area. With scheduled playdates and activities throughout the year, this is a great group for any mom local to Lake St Louis.
St. Louis Working Parent Play Group
This group is specifically designed for parents that are working. With play date events set for the hours outside of what would be normal working hours.
While I am by no means an expert on parenting, I found these resources and information helpful in my own parenting journey. In my family photography sessions I focus heavily on using techniques I have gained learning about Authoritative parenting.
I firmly believe we are all learning and growing to be the best parents we possibly can be. For me my children come first. It isn’t always easy to put aside my stressors and frustrations to understand and empathize with them, but I’m hoping they’ll be amazing humans one day for it.
With Love
-Becky
Resources for information gathered was accumulated from the following websites:
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